New Website, New Book

Hi, folks. I just wanted to drop a quick note to say that this blog will no longer be updated. The new, improved home of Ford Forkum is at the following URL

Also, I finally finished that WIP I've been yammering on about for so many months. It took a lot of revision and mental mayhem, but I think I can confidently say I got it to the point to where it's a read well worth your while and hard-earned lucre. If you want to be one of the first kids on your block to own the latest and greatest from yours truly, click on over to Amazon and feast your eyes and funny bones on BEERS IN HEAVEN

That's all for now. I've got to be...of somewhere. Have a great week!


Dealing With "Difficult" People On The Internet

After much mental toil, I believe I have created the ultimate solution to dealing with "difficult" people on the internet. It will take some time to implement as a fundamental shift in communications technology, but here goes.

First off, let's define some terms. What is a difficult person? In layman's terms,  "difficult person" is a euphemism for "A-hole."

Next, let's consider traditional approaches for dealing with such people. A common approach is to hear the difficult person out, to consider their point of view, and to respond with restraint and forbearance - after all, the difficult person could simply be having a bad day, or have a medical problem that causes intense discomfort in the rectum.

However, tolerance for difficult behavior will not affect a change. Though some might say it's better than fighting back, which often exacerbates the behavior, both approaches are suboptimal; what we want is to terminate the behavior and deter it from happening again.

This is where a fundamental shift in technology is required. The inherent flaw in internet-enabled devices is that they remove users from the effects of proximate interpersonal interaction, i.e. physical space. This flaw actually encourages difficult behavior by removing certain dynamics of real-world interaction.

For example, in real life, people often refrain from making inflammatory remarks to people directly in front of them for fear of being punched squarely in the face, which, in principle, is what they rightly deserve. The absence of this consequence in internet technology is, thus, the root cause of difficult behavior.

Therefore, I propose an overhaul in the design of internet-enabled devices to include two new features:

1. Real-time, device-specific tracking of internet devices to the extent that every post is traceable to its source.

2. A "pain-inducing module," in the form of 120 volts of electric shock delivered through the user interface at the point of physical contact, initiated either remotely by the offended party, website owner, or through automatic, semantic detection on the device itself.
There is no better method of conditioning against antisocial behavior than physical pain. As a so-called "enlightened" society, we seem to have lost our way in terms of realistic perspectives on human nature. This epidemic of a-hole behavior on the internet needs to be dealt with directly. Henceforth, I urge all who are in agreement with my proposal to take action toward its fulfillment.

Thank you.

The eFestival of Words 2013 Virtual Book Fair

Yes, it's me again. I know it's been ages since I've posted here, but that's only because I've been utilizing my time to produce more "quality" reading material for you (in the form of a novel that's being content-edited as we speak) as well as to post a lot of ridiculous nonsense on Facebook.

Besides, I'll be moving over to Wordpress on my own webhost server thing, so continuing to post here is really just beating a dead horse. HOWEVER, I have big news - I've been nominated for an award! Well, not me, personally, but my book!

Alien Invasion of the Zombie Apocalypse has been nominated for Best Science Fiction in the eFestival of Words 2013 Virtual Book Fair! This is a big deal for me and, as the judges are going to visit the authors' blogs in order to qualify the seven finalists, I have to post with a bit of professional restraint. Though the tone of my book is anything but serious, this is a serious award, and I take it seriously; and if I take something seriously, that means you should, too. 

I also must say, I really like the nomination seal and particularly the logo with the jester's hat. I like to think of myself as a jester of the written word, this seal woul make it especially meaningful for me.

For more information, visit the blog of Julie Dawson of Bards and Sages Publishing:

And watch out for more from the Forkside!